attention.

faking it. attention needy. all in your head. lazy. dramatic. 

these words feel like knives in my back. it feels like someone is continually stabbing me and saying "well you could just try not to get stabbed". i did not ask for this. any of this. i did not ask to be on 6 medications within a 6 month period. i did not ask to have to leave the classroom because it feels like my lungs are going to explode. i did not ask to wake up sobbing uncontrollably. i did not ask for this. this is not a choice. i did not ask to dream about suicide and dream about leaving my family because, hell whats the point anymore? how am i supposed to get help if im treated like im crazy? how am i supposed to get better if im being told "its all in your head" or that im "faking it" by strangers, friends, family and even doctors? when was i faking it? when i carved the words "fat, ugly, die and even why" into my skin? when i sat in my bedroom at 2 am with my door closed sobbing with the blade in my hand as i wondered if it was truly worth it? or when i starved myself for months because i hated my own skin, because i was constantly told i wasnt pretty enough or i wasnt skinny enough? when was i faking it? when was i "crying for attention"?

i did not ask for this. please dont treat me like im crazy. 

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