toll

 this year has been a shit show. there. i said it. i try to stay positive and find the good in things but this year it doesnt seem like there is any. i threw myself into work and school to try and keep my mind off the impending doom it seems is going on outside my window and it is starting to take its toll. instead of watching the leaves change, having bonfires and laughing, i am laying in my bed doing homework or just waiting for the night to come so i can sleep. i have thought about going back to therapy but what would my therapist say? that everyone feels this way? that its normal to feel these feelings? or would they just increase my medication, throwing more and more at me hoping it would just fix it. throughout it all, people have been getting more and more mean. more and more angry with me for asking questions or doing my job. when does it all end? when is the impending doom going to disappear? even though it has been a shit show here, i am getting up everyday, walking outside and just taking it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.