falling

i always told myself i would never fall in love. i told myself that i would find the right guy later in life. and now im falling. when i fall, i fall hard. its not just like a silly little crush its like my lungs fill with water and i forget how to breathe. its like my stomach turns to mush filled with butterflies and i feel sick but want to keep the feeling around at the same time. i cant fall in love. i just cant. why. why am i like this. my brain is turning to mush. i want to throw up. i cant breathe. im falling and im falling hard.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

blood

 family is not always blood. blood is not always family. family is not always safe. sometimes your chosen family and found family is safer than your blood family. realizing you were no longer safe for me was one of the hardest pills I ever had to fucking swallow. family is not always blood and you are no longer my family. 
Read more

it gets better

when i was in high school, i did not feel like i belonged. i was suicidal, i struggled with depression, anxiety and an eating disorder. i was sure that i would end it all. i never thought that id make it to college. never thought that i would graduate high school. here i am, writing at 12:48 am about my past and im filled with gratitude and tears. i graduated high school but not only that i beat my eating disorder, i got help for my anxiety and depression, and i even got a tattoo to remind me where ive been. it gets better. it truly does. ask for help, talk to someone. even if its just a friend. thats how it can start. it truly does get better. i know it may not feel like it now but it does and one day you will look back on your life and be grateful you kept living. i see you. im here. i hear you. i love you. you are worth it. you are beautiful.
Read more

things i wish i could tell you

A, 1. i wish you lived closer 2. i wish i could be "normal" and not deal with depression everyday 3. somedays i don't want to get out of bed because i feel like crying 4. i read your blog daily 5. i don't like school 6. i would rather stay home and read then go anywhere 7. i hear songs and think of you and cry...a lot 8. let's just put it this way, i cry....way too much. 9. i feel like i've let you down again 10. i feel like i need to apologize for every little thing i do 11. i'm scared 12. i went off my meds because they made me sick 13. i can't talk about myself because i feel stupid and like im boring everyone 14. i've mastered the "fake happiness" from my meds 15. i wish he would forget about you 16. i still go for walks, just to be alone 17. i hate my short hair 18. i want to get a tattoo 19. i've always been jealous of you 20. i wish that boys would look at me like they look at you 21. i wish i had more frie...
Read more