healing

i got so used to no one wanting me that i decided i didnt want me either until you came along and helped put my broken pieces back together just to smash them into a million tiny pieces that i was left picking up by myself. you didnt want me either so im learning to want myself again.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

an open letter to my depression

dear depression, let me introduce myself, before you showed up, i was a happy, carefree girl who loved dancing, listening to music and just being herself. then you showed up. and everything changed. i stopped dancing, i closed myself off, i couldn't bring myself to get out of bed some mornings, and others i would pull myself out of bed to feel like i was drowning. i met your friends. ED and anxiety. they told me lies about myself, they made me second guess everything. they made me extremely self conscious about how i looked, and made me limit everything to become "beautiful". you made me feel like i was being choked and drowned but no one was around to help. you made me feel numb no matter what i did. made me feel useless, like i didn't belong, unwanted, unloved. you told me sweet, smooth lies and i believed them. every single one. when i started on medication to help, you told me that i was weak, that no one would love me because i had to take medicine to do simple
Read more

when home isnt home

i packed up my bags for the last time before moving again. i was excited to come home, i was excited to see everyone again after what felt like ages, but when i moved everything changed. its not that that excitement wasnt there because it was, it was just different. something didnt belong. me. i didnt belong anymore. the place i called home for 19 years was no longer home. i didnt have a home. everything changed. i moved away, i changed. suddenly i didnt belong. i didnt belong home but i didnt belong at my dorm either. i was alone. even though i was surrounded by hundreds of people i felt alone. i wanted to quit. i wanted to quit life, my job, leave everyone and everything behind. but i didnt. i kept going. i felt alone but i pushed through. my home doesnt feel like home to me and it may never feel like home but im here. im giving life my all. im here.
Read more

it gets better

when i was in high school, i did not feel like i belonged. i was suicidal, i struggled with depression, anxiety and an eating disorder. i was sure that i would end it all. i never thought that id make it to college. never thought that i would graduate high school. here i am, writing at 12:48 am about my past and im filled with gratitude and tears. i graduated high school but not only that i beat my eating disorder, i got help for my anxiety and depression, and i even got a tattoo to remind me where ive been. it gets better. it truly does. ask for help, talk to someone. even if its just a friend. thats how it can start. it truly does get better. i know it may not feel like it now but it does and one day you will look back on your life and be grateful you kept living. i see you. im here. i hear you. i love you. you are worth it. you are beautiful.
Read more