hair

 i want to shave my head so no one can ever grab it again so that no one can ever touch me like that again. i keep telling myself that it was never my fault and that i did everything i could that night. that i trusted my gut. listened to my body. but it feels fake. i just want the nightmares to stop. the flashbacks to stop. the feeling of his body against me pinning my hands down and grabbing my hair to stop. i want to scrub my skin until i no longer feel him on my skin. why is my brain tormenting me with these memories? why is my brain replaying this scene over and over again? its like a train wreck i know is coming but i cant stop it or look away. i want to shave my head but today we just pin it up.

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