moving on

i still have nightmares about that night. i keep hoping i will wake up from a bad dream. and then i realize it isnt a bad dream. i started writing more and sleeping less. i dont think you even care. i feel like im being forgotten and theres a part of me thats thrilled that people are forgetting me because then it will be like i was never here. but at the same time i have never felt more alone in my life. im trying my hardest to move on and forget everything but somehow i cant move on fully. the soundtrack to dear evan hansen has been getting me through everyday life. you asked how i can talk to strangers but not to those closest to me and to be completely honest its because i hear the same things every single time i struggle and im sick of hearing the "it gets better, itll be okay" because what if it doesnt. what if its not. my feelings feel invalidated but thats just my head again. hopefully youll move on fully and forget about me. im hoping to just move on.

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