Wanderlust

every little lie you ever told was covered in honey so it was easier to swallow because the sweeter it is the more believable it is. what happens when that honey coating comes off though? will you still tell the little lies knowing that theyre harder to swallow and feel like knives the whole way down or will you find something else to cover them in? the little lies are no longer sweet and make my stomach turn and feel like im being stabbed by multiple knives every single time i hear one and try to believe it. the lies are no longer sweet like honey. the lies are now sharp like knives.

there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. i learned that only once i got older. i was always told people would come in and out of your life but you got to choose who gets to stay. what happens when you can no longer choose. what happens when everyone you love leaves. what happens when you want to scream so loud because the words feel like daggers in your throat that you just want to get out but you cant get it out. what happens then. no one ever prepared me for when people would leave. no matter what i do though no matter how many times i cover up the invisible wounds with a simple "oh its okay" "oh its life" do they keep coming open. and my god. i can beg you to stay but i cant force it anymore. i cant force the words out. i cant force the scream. i cant force it. i always thought i feared being alone but instead ive learned im scared of being lonely. im scared of losing everyone and everything i love and not being able to do anything about it. an...

Warning: This post may be extremely hard for some to read. It does cover sexual assault. please read at your own risk. . . . . . . . i always told myself i would never allow myself to become a part of the statistic. i would wait until marriage to be with someone in that way. if i decided to not wait until marriage, i would make sure i was safe and it was with someone i trusted. i thought i knew all the warning signs, the red flags. i thought i would see them almost immediately because its supposed to be so simple. so cut and dry. when it first happened, i just thought that was what love is supposed to be like. i trusted them so it couldnt be anything more than miscommunication right? i didnt realize until years later that was not what love is. i told myself i would never let it happen again. i would never put my walls down that far. i stayed silent. it started out as him showing me how to create bowls and cups in ceramics class, then it turned into him flirting. i thought h...

no one talks about how your muscles will ache and you will feel like you got hit by a train. no one talks about how you will wake up at 2 or 3 in the morning because you can’t stop crying in your sleep. no one talks about how empty and numb you’ll feel the first week and how you just want to curl up in a ball and hide forever. it’s day 5 and I still get anxious just driving out of state now. I pass your exit and my heart sinks to my stomach. I still love you and you read it at 3:30p on a Tuesday. eventually the emptiness will pass but for now it’s making its home.

I love you. Read at 3:30 pm

I never knew how big of a difference forgiveness could make. I have spent too long hating my body, hating how I was treated, hating how some situations have ended. I have learned that this has been holding me back in my recovery. While this does not make me completely healed, this does not make me forget what happened and this does not change how I feel it does lift a weight off my chest. I forgive you. 3 words that I have almost been dreading for years. I forgive you for how you broke me down. I forgive you how you made me feel like I was insignificant. I. Forgive. You.

there is a difference between loving someone and loving the idea of someone. i didnt realize that until i met you. you have taken all my broken pieces and helped piece them back together again. you make me feel like i matter. you take all my flaws and see past them. you remind me what its like to be happy. you spoil me and by that i mean by rubbing my back, holding the door for me, watching chick flicks even though i know you would much rather do something else. you are fine with staying in and cooking dinner instead of going out. you understand that i go to school and work full time and you still make time for me. you make me feel like the luckiest person in the world. even though im not the smartest or prettiest, even though im not perfect you remind me how perfect i am to you. i am forever grateful and i fall more and more in love with you every day. you are my person.